What’s The Fuss about Friendship and Marriage?
Have you heard one or both of these phrases from relationship experts or psychologists? “For a marriage to work, you must be friends,” or better yet, this phrase, “marry, your friend, and your marriage will last long.”
Well, I have, and countless times at that!
So, what’s this fuss about friendship and marriage? Why should you care to marry someone who you would equally call a friend?
Values are your core principles. It is your belief system — the specifics that have shaped your character. Think about one, two of the people who you genuinely call friends. One thing would be familiar, and that is the values that you all share.
Not to say that you agree on everything all the time, but their certain things you cannot compromise on that lessens conflict of interest. It’s probably the reason why you enjoy each other’s company.
Likewise, for you to truly enjoy your marriage, your partner is supposed to believe or respect most of what truly matters to you.
You Trust Them.
Trust is your exhibition of confidence, reliability, and security towards a person. Trust allows you to let loose and be naked on the intricate details about your life without fear.
Marriage by design will enable you to share a home and a lot of other stuff. That makes trust a super important trait you must have in your marriage partner.
They Are Respectful.
A friend who focuses on shouting who they are while being insensitive to the things that matter to you is not worth your time: A good friend should be respectful of who you are, respectful of your time, your fears, and abilities.
In a marriage, save for the fact that respect must be mutual. It must never wear out.
They Are Dependable.
Your ideal kind of friend should be able to keep their word. If they say they are going to come around, they should be able to do just that. If they made you a promise, they should be able to keep it.
Being dependable also means that they can vouch for you or speak for you when the need arises.
Marriage is life-long, and in it are many seasons, you must be able to depend on each other.
They are Kind
A great friend is a true definition of kindness — Generous not to hold back any help they can offer when you badly need it: And caring and helpful to show concern in their dealings with you.
Marriage brings two individuals together, and sharing is inevitable.
A kind spouse makes marriage life loads lighter despite the challenges that may come with the union and, maybe the convincing factor that lets you know you can keep doing life together.
You Can Be Your ‘Real Self’ Around Them.
When you are around a good friend, you can be your real self and not be afraid that they’ll judge you and find you awkward to feel unpleasant.
Similarly in a marriage, there shouldn’t be any holding back of you. Whether it is hogging meals or drinks, or being as goofy as you possibly want. You should never feel the need to act out.
They Are Honest.
Honesty is the single most important trait you want to have in a good friend.
A great friend is honest about who they tell you they are. They are sincere in their dealings with you. They are also straightforward to talk you down in a respectful manner when they think you are heading in the wrong direction.
And that’s a virtue you wouldn’t want your spouse to lack.
They Are Genuinely Happy With Your Progress
Countless individuals struggle with feelings of envy at one who is doing so well. But that’s not what you get with a great friend.
A good friend is sincerely happy with your progress. They believe in you, so they make you strive for even more significant achievements; because they are delighted to see you succeed.
Goodwill is a trait you want your lifetime companion to have. Marriage expert John Gottman, professor at the University of Washington, and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Works, states, ‘Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. He explains that it is this friendship that births emotional intimacy, allowing them to enjoy each other’s company every other day.
Yes, marriage can be hard. There are countless stories out there of people who are struggling not to call it quits. One thing is for sure, and you can make your case different if you can be keen to commit to someone with whom you share the qualities we have listed here.